When Reality Meets the Patriarchy

Examining the Fatherhood of Jim Bob Duggar and Kody Brown

At first glance, Jim Bob Duggar and Kody Brown seem very different. One practiced polygamy, while the other promoted monogamy. But when I look closer, I see similarities.

Patriarchal Family Structures

Both families were built around patriarchal belief systems in which the husband is considered the spiritual head of the household.

Kody Brown’s family, featured on Sister Wives, embraced a form of fundamentalist Mormon polygamy.

Jim Bob Duggar’s family, featured on 19 Kids and Counting and Counting On, followed teachings associated with the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP).

Although their religious traditions differ, both systems place fathers in positions of significant authority over their wives and children.

Very Large Families and Limited Parental Attention

Both men fathered an unusually high number of children. Kody Brown has 18 children with four wives. Jim Bob Duggar has 19 children with one wife.

Adult children from both families have publicly discussed feeling overlooked, neglected, or emotionally unsupported. Several Duggar children have described the family’s “buddy system,” in which older daughters were assigned responsibility for younger siblings. Several Brown children have spoken publicly about taking on adult responsibilities at an early age.

Critics argue that when families become exceptionally large, providing individualized attention to each child becomes more difficult. As a result, older children may assume caregiving responsibilities that would typically belong to parents. Researchers refer to this phenomenon as parentification—the process by which children take on caregiving roles and responsibilities normally expected of adults.

Financial Dependence on Family-Based Reality Television

Both men relied on income from reality television to help support their families. Their shows turned family relationships into a source of income and raised questions about how the wives and children, whose private lives were broadcast to the public, were compensated.

Adult children from both families have raised concerns about compensation and financial control. Jill Duggar Dillard, in the book Counting the Cost, has written how she and her husband were not directly paid for years of filming and that compensation was controlled by her father. Her cousin Amy Duggar King has described how she signed a contract that her uncle Jim Bob said “was good,” but she later learned it required her to show up for years of filming without any pay. Several Brown children have alleged favoritism and unequal treatment and have questioned how family resources were allocated.

Estrangement from Adult Children

Both families have experienced significant fractures. Multiple Brown children have publicly discussed strained relationships with Kody Brown. Several Duggar children have distanced themselves from their parents’ religious beliefs or written memoirs criticizing aspects of their upbringing.

Differences in Rules and Control

Former Duggar children and relatives have described highly structured rules governing courtship, dress, education, and media consumption. One well-known example was the family’s use of the code word “Nike.” When a family member noticed a woman dressed in clothing they considered immodest, they would call out the word “Nike,” signaling the children to look down at their shoes until they were told it was acceptable to look up again.

Family members and former participants in the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP) have also described disciplinary practices influenced by the teachings of Bill Gothard. In her memoir, Amy Duggar King described the use of rods referred to as “encouragement” for children who were considered rebellious or not toeing the line. According to her account, parents would ask children whether they needed “encouragement” when discipline was deemed necessary.

The Brown children generally appeared to have much greater freedom regarding education, dating, and career choices.

Public Controversies

The most significant controversy surrounding the Duggar family involves criminal actions committed by Jim Bob Duggar’s eldest son, Josh Duggar, who was convicted in 2021 of receiving and possessing child sexual abuse material.

Jim Bob Duggar has been widely criticized for his handling of earlier allegations that Josh sexually abused several girls, including some of his sisters. Many viewers later pointed to the contrast between the family’s public image and these revelations. Josh and his wife, Anna, publicly emphasized their commitment to courtship rules and saving their first kiss for marriage, reinforcing the family’s message about purity and traditional values.

Even after Josh’s conviction, Jim Bob continued to support his eldest son, a decision that drew criticism from many observers. In 2026, a second son, Joseph Duggar, was charged with molesting a nine-year-old girl. He has pleaded not guilty, and the case remains ongoing.

While Jim Bob may not have anticipated the level of public scrutiny his family would face, he knew about the allegations against Josh before inviting cameras into his home and placing his family on reality television.

Rather than allegations involving criminal conduct, Kody Brown has faced criticism primarily over favoritism, emotional neglect, and family estrangement.

In November 2021, Christine Brown announced that she was leaving Kody. In December 2022, Janelle Brown and Kody publicly confirmed their separation. In January 2023, Meri Brown and Kody announced the end of their marriage, leaving Robyn Brown as Kody’s only remaining wife.

The greatest tragedy to affect the Brown family was the death of Kody and Janelle’s son, Garrison Brown, in March 2024. Garrison, a veteran, had publicly discussed his strained relationship with his father before his death.

No one outside the family can know all the factors that contributed to Garrison’s decision to take his own life. However, his death does not appear to have brought the family closer together. Instead, public statements and television appearances suggest that existing divisions within the family have continued.

Lessons from Large Families or Belief Systems?

How could two families with such different values have so much in common? Critics have described both men as controlling, self-centered, or even narcissistic. But is this a question of personality, belief systems, or the challenges that come with raising exceptionally large families?

Two fathers, both using the Bible as their authority while raising large families within patriarchal structures, may have discovered they have more in common than they once realized. Their experiences suggest that no matter how much a father tries to shape the outcome of his children’s lives, there comes a point when he must allow them the freedom to become themselves—or risk losing his relationship with them.

Perhaps the biggest takeaway is not about polygamy versus monogamy or one belief system over another. Instead, it is a reminder that no parent can replace a nurturing relationship with control and that having more children than one can meaningfully invest in may come at a cost. Above all, putting your family on public display is bound to create controversy both within the family and beyond it.

Sources

Television Series

• Sister Wives (TLC, 2010–present)

• 19 Kids and Counting (TLC, 2008–2015)

• Counting On (TLC, 2015–2021)

• Shiny Happy People: Duggar Family Secrets (Prime Video, 2023–present)

Books

• Duggar Dillard, Jill, and Derick Dillard. Counting the Cost. New York: Simon & Schuster, 2023.

• Duggar King, Amy, and Dillon King. Holy Disruptor: Shattering the Shiny Facade by Getting Louder with the Truth. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2025.

• Brown Woolley, Christine. Sister Wife: A Memoir of Faith, Family, and Finding Freedom. New York: Gallery Books, 2024.

News Articles and Official Sources

• U.S. Department of Justice. “Federal Jury Convicts Former Reality Television Personality for Downloading and Possessing Child Sexual Abuse Material.” December 9, 2021. https://www.justice.gov/archives/opa/pr/federal-jury-convicts-former-reality-television-personality-downloading-and-possessing-child

• U.S. Department of Justice, U.S. Attorney’s Office for the Western District of Arkansas. “Former Reality Television Personality Sentenced to 151 Months in Federal Prison for Downloading and Possessing Child Sexual Abuse Material.” May 25, 2022. https://www.justice.gov/usao-wdar/pr/former-reality-television-personality-sentenced-151-months-federal-prison-downloading

• Associated Press. “Reality TV’s Josh Duggar Gets 12 Years in Child Sexual Abuse Material Case.” May 25, 2022.

• Associated Press. “Federal Appeals Court Upholds Josh Duggar’s Conviction.” August 7, 2023.

• Supreme Court of the United States. Duggar v. United States, No. 23-937. Petition denied June 24, 2024.

• People. “Joseph Duggar Charged with Allegedly Molesting 9-Year-Old Girl in 2020.” March 18, 2026.

• People. “Joseph Duggar Pleads Not Guilty to Child Molestation Charges and Demands Jury Trial as Judge Sets Bond at $600,000.” March 31, 2026.

• Associated Press. “Reality TV Star Joseph Duggar Posts $600,000 Bond in Florida Child Molestation Case.” March 31, 2026.

• People. “Joseph Duggar Facing New Charges of False Imprisonment, Endangering the Welfare of a Minor After Home Search.” March 20, 2026.

• Entertainment Weekly. “Judge Denies Joseph Duggar Unsupervised Visits with His Children Amid Molestation Case.” June 17, 2026.

• People. “Joseph Duggar Suffers Legal Setback as Judge Rejects Request for Unsupervised Contact with His 4 Children.” June 16, 2026.

• People. “Sister Wives’ Garrison Brown Dead at 25: Janelle and Kody Brown Mourn Son’s Death.” March 5, 2024.

• Associated Press. “Garrison Brown, Son of Sister Wives Stars Janelle and Kody Brown, Dies at 25.” March 5, 2024.

• CNN. “Garrison Brown, Son of Sister Wives Stars Kody and Janelle Brown, Dies at 25.” March 5, 2024.

• “Garrison Brown’s Cause of Death Revealed.” May 15, 2024.

• People. “Janelle Brown Reflects on Son Garrison Brown One Year After His Death.” March 5, 2025.

• Entertainment Tonight. “How Garrison Brown’s Death Continues to Impact the Brown Family.” September 2024.